Her Always Her
by PinkOpium
Summary: A Garden Instructor becomes confused when new emotions arise. Guess who's POV my first Final fantasy Fanfic is from... Please rr and i'll write more. XD!
1. Ch 1 Stirring

Disclaimer: Only one character in this fan fiction is mine. Ieira Carmen belongs to the author of this fan fiction, every other character belongs to Squaresoft©. This fan fiction is to be enjoyed by people over the age of 13 as it contains mild - strong language and some mildly steamy scenes. (Though I will inform the readers when this will happen). Hope you like it. here goes.  
  
Chapter One:  
  
I was once like them. Normal, normal feelings, normal life. I see your face and I realise what changed. It wasn't meant to be this way. Not at all. It wasn't planned, but in a way, I know it was for the best. I just want to say, how I wish I could have done this sooner. I just wanted to apologise and to thank you. Thank you my angel.  
  
*Stop talking it makes you seem weaker.*  
  
I remember when he took you on at Balamb. I was sat, cold and heartless, writing my notes for my next class. You walked in, nervous, quivering. I looked up and was stunned. A chill down my rigid spine. A burning sensation in my chest. You were indescribable. My eyes pierced your tiny frame. You looked straight at me, a look of fear, but a look of understanding. Things changed.  
  
*You know it changed, you felt it. I can't believe she knew.*  
  
I tried to give you a warm smile, well as warm as I could. You swept your long, fiery hair from out of your face and smiled. That smile. It cracked the ice in me. Your emerald eyes sparkled and you held out your hand for me to shake. I took it. A burst of electric. You captivated me.  
  
*I don't want this to fade; I'm useless without her.*  
  
You spoke. That voice was so sweet it dripped with the essence of honey. I wanted to be able to taste those words. "Hello, my name is Ieira. Did the headmaster inform you that I was to be taking over the first year training sessions?" I nodded at you. Smiled again, trying hard not to stutter as I told you my name and my area of staff. You smiled back at me. "What an unusual name. It's really cool though. I like it." You stood up and stretched, picking up your rucksack. You grinned at me, impish and delightful. Your weapons were at your waist. Your throwing stars, your sai, the glint of a katana in its sheath, all attached to your leather belt. "I know what you're thinking. Lots of weapons on there. I only use the stars and katana's if I need to. I think I'll need to tell the students that, otherwise they'll think I'm a psycho." You laughed. It hit my ears, pleasuring them. The sound of a babbling brook was filling them. Sheer delight. I wanted you.  
  
*I have her, but for how long?*  
  
You smoothed out your clothes. That pair of black leather trousers, clinging to your curves. The bright silver buckles on the sides, gleaming like your weapons. Your top, that black satin that covered your bosom. The delicate silver embroidery accentuating your assets. You looked wonderful.  
  
*Oh let that image stay in my mind. It reminds me that she is real.*  
  
"Wish me luck, first class and all," your words made me smile as I wished you luck. You spun around quickly, your scarlet hair flying about you like a cape. You looked back at me over your satin shoulder and spoke again. "See you around, Instructor."  
  
*Stop being selfish. It's what she wants. Always what she wants. Remember. Learn.*  
  
Door closed silently behind you. I stood up. Class notes unfinished; mind elsewhere, I got ready to instruct the young trainees. I left the staff office, an unusual feeling stirring in my chest. 


	2. Ch 2 Settled Conversation

Chapter Two: ~ Sorry it's only a short chapter, but it does its job.~  
  
I saw you again later that day in the hallway near the library. You looked tired. Training sessions took a lot out of Instructors, perhaps more than it did with the students. Sweat glistened on your pale brow and your long fiery hair was matted at the ends. They never did take our classes too seriously. Well, except the "trepies", followers of the icy one. My pale cheeks became flushed for an instant at the sight of you and in my minds eye I beamed. On the outside the detached exterior remained. You turned to face me and smiled as you attached your Sai to your belt. You waved at me.  
  
*You're always flush cheeked around her. The Ice Queen façade is melting.*  
  
I calmly walked over to you, my hands resting on my leather belt. I smiled at you and quietly spoke your name. "Ieira." You grinned at me again, your emerald eyes flashing in the dim artificial light of the windowless corridor.  
"Oh, hey there!"  
"Hello. How was your first class as a Balamb Garden Instructor?"  
"Felt good. I know I'm young, but the kids still seemed to respect me. Being at Balamb is so damn different to Galbadia Garden. I remember what it was like being a student there! Never mind an instructor! I would NOT have coped!" She grinned impishly.  
"Age doesn't matter. Talent does. And from what I've heard from the headmaster, talent is something you definitely have. Plus, you're good looking," I blushed slightly. "That'll get you the attention of some of our male students, unlike some instructors." I absent minded put a gloved hand up to my hair and stroked it.  
"Whatever do you mean? You can't honestly think that you're not hot looking! 'Cause you bloody well are." She grinned at me. I blushed again, a deep pink.  
"Yeah, right! But seriously Ieira, you're pretty. Students like Seifer Almasy notice you if you're pretty. They tend to listen more." I grinned, in spite of myself, remembering the blond student's lack of attention in my classes.  
  
*Never let them know your thoughts. It'll be your downfall.*  
  
We stood there, looking at each other and laughing about the students. Certain names cropped up repeatedly and you got a certain glint in your pretty green eyes. Mine seemed to glaze over with jealousy.  
  
*Don't let them notice. You are emotionless.*  
  
I remember saying a rushed goodbye after Xu's clear, tanoyed voice called your name, stealing you away from me and summoning you to the headmaster's office. I watched as you walked away, a breath catching in my pale throat. Shaking my head, I set about preparing for my "Introduction to Junctioning" class for the littluns. I wandered down the corridor towards the Garden's Library and through the automatic doorway.  
The air was crisper, cooler and the sound of Debussy's "La Mer" reached my pink ears. I took a deep breath and opened my notebook. 


	3. Ch 3 Self Loathing and Lonliness

Chapter Three:  
  
Evening passed slowly as I sat in the library at the back. Isolated. Solitary. Writing my morning's class notes and feeling sorry for myself.  
  
*Sorry for yourself as usual Instructor. Always sorry for your self.*  
  
I didn't notice the hands of the Grandfather clock, which stood elegantly near the automatic doors; spin a leisurely 360º. I didn't notice the stream of students filter in and out of the study areas. I didn't notice the couples helping each other with their "limit techniques theory" homework. I didn't notice anything, but my annotations around my textbooks.  
  
*What's wrong with you all of a sudden? You notice everything, because you have nothing of your own to notice.*  
  
It was only when the girl with the mousy brown ponytail came over and tapped me did I notice. It was late. I mumbled my apologies for keeping her here till so late, shoved my books into my bag and hurried to my room. My cold, empty, lonely room where I would forever be sentenced to sleep alone.  
  
*No love for such a sickening creature.*  
  
I fell into a dreamless sleep.  
  
*Dreams build false hope in whatever sense they arrive. You're too proper for that. Too rigid and callous. Too many hours spent dreaming are wasted ones in your eyes.*  
  
Dawn came early. I could feel the slight warmth of the autumnal sun on my face as I pulled my nondescript duvet tighter around me. I tried to focus on my alarm clock, but my eyes were not co-operating with me. I grabbed it fiercely off the side, glaring at the inanimate timepiece in my grasp. It was well before 6am. I decided to rise anyway.  
After a quick shower and the blow-drying of my thick hair, I left my vacant, meticulous dormitory in search of breakfast. I knew the lunch- woman would have my exactly quartered, lightly sugared grapefruit separated from the rest. Definite in its appearance and flavour, refusing to conform.  
  
Much like the one whom will devour it. Separate, unwilling to be like others. Who'd want to be like you anyway?*  
  
I ate at my favourite table, by the bay window, with the view of Balamb urging me to wander by the harbour and throw rocks at the sea. I was immersed in thoughts of punishing the sea, just as Hyne had chosen to punish me. I grinned in spite of myself. The Frozen one was more malicious than anyone could know.  
"That's a smile that could brighten up any morning," came a familiar voice. Selphie sat down on the empty chair to my left. I shook my head, bringing myself back to the filling cafeteria.  
"Morning Selphie. How are you? The Headmaster sending you out on any missions this week?"  
She beamed at me, the smile we all grew to love after we met the perky girl from Trabia. "Yeah I'm good. No missions this week, so far. Had a bit of trouble in Dollet last week. Some sort of protest against the new drinking laws. The President wanted them to be cut down from 11-12 to 12-11. Some of the local's weren't too happy, but Rinoa and Zell managed to calm it. Hopefully I'll have the rest of this week off, unlucky for them, the headmaster's got them on Substitute Duty! Lucky for me though, I really wanted to go shopping in esthar with Matron. We've seen the cutest." Selphie went on at great length about some girly nonsense, till she realised that I wasn't really interested.  
"That's nice dear", I muttered repeatedly as I ate, attempting to build up enough strength to teach class 4b for three hours. I hated teaching theory. It was as boring for me as the students.  
Selphie suddenly stopped mid-sentence. She gasped as she saw the time. Half past eight. "OH NO! The Headmaster wanted to see me, like 15 minutes ago. I think I'll be given a new tutorial class. My last group were a tad unruly," she grinned, "though part of that may have been my fault. Having me shouting BOOYAKA every five minutes might have made them a bit crazy. Anyway, see you at the staff meeting at seven tonight!" She stood up and flounced off towards the door, singing loudly, making people stare at her yellow figure in disbelief. How anyone could be this perky at half past eight on a Tuesday morning was beyond me.  
  
*Everyone is perky compared to you. You're just lifeless compared to Selphie.*  
  
I turned back to my grapefruit. Turned back to my thoughts for a brief moment. I became once again engrossed in chastising the world in my mind. A sharp ringing of the alarm. My teaching day had begun.  
  
*No rest for the wicked. Or even you, Quistis Trepe.* 


End file.
